*The following is my “About Me” page. I figured I would post it here too so that my first post lets you get to know me first – you know, before I start posting all my crazy thoughts on life and whatnot.
Hi! I’m Caroline. I have three younger sisters, I have seen every episode of One Tree Hill, I spend over half of my time babysitting, and I just recently turned 18 (but I don’t feel like it at all.) I love well-written songs, the beach, Christmas lights, and Jesus. I spill things on a daily basis. Oh, and I guess I should also mention that I have set the goal for myself of becoming a world-famous country music singer/songwriter, if it’s in God’s plan. So, with the time I don’t spend babysitting or, you know, doing schoolwork, I write songs and perform in various places around Nashville. (No, I don’t sleep much.)
So why am I starting a blog? To be honest, I’m not quite sure. My sisters will make fun of me like crazy when they find out I’m doing this, but they shouldn’t really be surprised; I’ve always been a little (okay, a lot) cheesy/sappy/corny/all those words that for some reason describe a person who just feels things deeply. Let me rephrase that – a person who feels everything and feels it incredibly deeply.
The reason I feel things so deeply is because for my entire life but especially for the past 4 years now, I have struggled with severe anxiety. Anxiety typically brings with it its annoying sister depression, which I also struggled with for a long time my freshman year, and still struggle with from time to time. At the time I was first experiencing this, I thought I was the only one, that I was losing my mind, that nobody else in the world ever felt like me and I was absolutely the biggest freak in the entire universe. But much to my surprise, throughout high school, I have encountered tons of people who have been through the exact same struggles I’ve been through, and tons of people who have been through very similar ones. Some of my closest friends, in fact. It’s mind-boggling, really, how many people, especially teenagers, suffer from anxiety and/or depression. But here’s what I’ve discovered:
Nobody ever really talks about it.
Being a songwriter AND a person who feels everything incredibly deeply, I’ve always been an open book. I’ve never been good at keeping secrets, and I’ve always just kind of worn my heart on my sleeve. But strangely enough, when my anxiety and depression first hit, even I didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone about it. Even I started shutting the world out. But I soon found that the only way to overcome it was to talk about it – to acknowledge that I had some issues, to find out what was going on in my brain, and to talk to other people who could help me. And even more importantly, to listen to the stories of the other people who had walked the same path I was walking, or at least a similar one.
So, I guess the reason I am starting this blog is that I want people to know that it’s okay to not only have struggles, but to be honest and acknowledge them. But more importantly, I want people to know that it’s possible to find joy in the middle of your struggles. That God gives us little blessings even when we are suffering. That every day may not be a good day, but every day has at least one good moment.
My hope is that those of you reading this will somehow be able to relate. I hope you will find assurance and encouragement in the fact that you are not alone if you are struggling with something. And Lord knows we’re all struggling with something. But if you’re not, if you are one of the lucky few who is living the good life and isn’t particularly struggling right now, I hope you will be able to laugh with me at the various ways I embarrass myself on a daily basis and to smile with me at the various ways I encounter God. My life is a little messy, as you can probably see. But it sure is a blessed little mess.
God loves you all,
P.S. THANKS FOR READING MY BLOG !!!